Entertain me.

Working 7 days a week for the past few months is starting to catch up with me. I’m just so worn down all the time and all I wanna do is sleep whenever I’ve got a few hours to myself. I’ve got shit for a social life. And I know all of this is going to pay off eventually, but it feels like the light at the end of the tunnel is getting harder and harder to see. I need to find some motivation or something to push me forward. I just don’t know what :/

My life is becoming so dull and depressing. I feel like I’m stuck in a rut. I do the same thing everyday: work, school, home. I’m miserable at work and lately I’ve been miserable at home. I’ve reached my quota on how much stress I can take. With all my finances, work drama, family drama, and just crap in general piling up I don’t know how much more I can take. I need a change and it needs to happen soon. I would like to avoid a complete mental/emotional breakdown. Blah :/

I REALLY hate my job. More than I should. My bosses are horrible horrible people and they have no idea how to run a business. I’m not going into detail cause I will be here all damn night explaining how completely idiotic they are, but I have school soon. Just know that they are evil bitch monsters from hell and I hate them.

So I found out today I’m not going to be able to go back to school. My job doesn’t allow part time positions and I can’t do school with a full time job. Especially working graveyard. I went to the school yesterday and took and tour and got a bunch of information. I really liked it and I wanted to go. This is really depressing news. I don’t wanna be stuck working at the animal shelter forever. I wanna go to school and get an education so I can have a career, not just a job. I feel like such a failure for dropping out after the first semester but USA failing. I couldn’t keep up with my school work while doing this job. I don’t wanna make that mistake again. Looks like I don’t have to worry about that anymore :( and its not like I can quit my job cause then I can’t afford school. This fucking sucks!

Makes me wish I could turn into the hulk and beat the living shit out of him. I wish I didn’t feel this way, cause now everyday when I come to work I dread being here for 8 1/2 hours with him. I wish he would just get abducted by aliens or something. Or drop off the face.of the earth. Either one is fine, as long as I don’t have to see him anymore.

Does that make me a bad person? I really don’t care.

I tried talking to my mom the other day about how stressed out I am with working and going to school and not having any time for anything, including sleep and her advice was “You’re young, you can handle it” Uhh, does being young make me super human? Does being young mean I don’t need sleep? I think not. And then she says “go to the gym. It will give you energy” When exactly would she like me to go to the damn gym? I just got through telling her I don’t have enough time to sleep and she wants me to go to the gym. And THENNNN I told her I was thinking about not registering for classes next fall and maybe going to PIMA or something so I can hurry up and become a vet tech already, but she doesn’t want me doing that because she thinks I’m being lazy and taking the easy way out. I can see where she’s coming from, but it’s not like I would be quitting school all together. And I really don’t know what the hell she wants me to do. I’m wearing myself so thin it’s not even funny. I can’t even keep up with the 3 classes I have now. I fall asleep in my public speaking class, and I forget to turn in hw for my psychology class. What’s the point of going if I’m going to fall asleep and not do the hw?? And I don’t even bother checking my online class anymore. I just don’t want to do this anymore. And she still wants me to keep my job at Circus Circus. She’s fucking nuts!!! I talked to my psychology teacher the other day about all this, and he agreed with me that I’m not going to last much longer with this schedule. He said I need to sit down and talk to my mom like an adult. I tried and she’s just being completely unreasonable. Not that she can stop me from doing what I want to do, but I don’t want her throwing it in my face every time I turn around. That will just piss me off. I don’t get why she wants me to keep my circus circus job. They only call me in when they need me and it pays less than my new job. She’s just being greedy and dumb. I hate to say that but it’s true. Not everything is black and white. Not everything is as simple as she makes it seem.

I’m so stressed out and on the verge of cracking. Working and going to school and trying to make my mom and everyone else happy is really killing me. I barely have any time to sleep or eat or anything. It’s work, school, part-time taxi. When do I get some me time? This week hasn’t been so bad cause they have me working days at work so I’m not able to go to school which gives me a lot more time to do whatever, but it also causes a lot more stress. I’m out of school for a whole week. That’s assignments I have to do without instruction and notes I have to take on my own and tests I have to study for. So many things I have to remember to do since I’m not in class. Next week when I go back to graveyard I’ll be working, going to school, trying to help my brothers gf as much as I can with her new baby, and squeezing in some time for homework. I started crying today cause I’m just so overwhelmed with everything. This all just happened so fast and I haven’t adjusted yet.

vzap:

• Self control
• attention span
• desire to work